Thanks for Being My Archipelago

Hey Long-Lost Sister!

Ok, so you're not really long lost, but over our blog, communication has been sparse. Let's just blame it on hibernation (a topic you can read about in my post next week), and call it good.

So, I sometimes feel that there is this weight on my shoulders to always be ok, to always be happy, to always be stable. I don't really know why that it is. It might be this mistaken idea that if I'm not ok, I'm not being grateful and I'm not being strong and I'm not being righteous--"Let the Saints be joyful in glory" (Psalm 149:5).

I think I also pride myself on being independent, and being mopey just doesn't fit independence. When I was younger, I honestly, sincerely believed that being single and 27 had to be the worst thing possible. I thought there was no way I could be happy and single. As it turns out, that is the furthest thing from the truth I live. Single life, I've come to believe, is just as happy and hard as married life (but I've never been married, so what do I know).

And because of this false belief from my childhood, I sometimes worry that people are feeling bad for me. I mean, I remember single women coming home when I was in high school who were 25, 28, 30, 35, and people saying things like, "Poor girl." Heck, I thought that too.

The idea of someone thinking that about me is really uncomfortable. I don't want anyone's pity, especially when it's typically hard to find something to pity about my life. So I feel this responsibility to prove them wrong if they happen to be thinking "Poor girl" about me. I feel compelled to have poise and to have a smile and to be fearless. I must stand independent and have it all together. Move along. There's nothing to pity here.

That fear of being pitied makes it hard to not feel shame when I do need help and I am not making it all by myself.

I think I have believed and still fall into believing that adults don't need anyone else. We use phrases like "Learn to stand on your own two feet," and it feels like you're weak sauce if you need a hug or you need someone to listen to you or you need a cheerleader.

But I think this is a falsehood. When God was creating the earth and mankind, he said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him" (Genesis 2:18). I think God saw the wisdom of two people walking on their own two feet but side by side, which brings me back to where I started.

I'm a single woman, and while I am independent and strong, I also need people and I need support, and there is no shame in that. I love this quote from English poet John Donne: "No Man Is an Island." And while quite honestly I often feel like I am an island, I like to think that I'm an island among islands, that loved ones are not too far off when I need a pick-me-up, and that in return I'm able to send waves of support their way too.

Background photo from Dmitry Teslya

All that said, thanks for being my archipelago, Steph.

Cheers,

Amanda

The Art of Keeping New Year's Resolutions

Hey Steph!

Hello people of 2015! Breathe it in, everyone. It's a fresh, crisp new year. What are you going to do with it? Oh, I love new years, just like I love new weeks and new days. Ah, what a relief it is that each year and each week and each day we get to start over. Like dear Anne Shirley says, "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"

So what are you going to do with it? 

I, like many, make New Year Resolutions every year. And for a long, long time these resolutions lasted for about a week or two before I would give up and submit to all-encompassing depression called January. But for the last few years, I've been successful. I actually kept to my goals throughout the whole year. So now, as I'm creating new goals for this year, I've been pondering over how I was successful and trying to repeat the process. Here's what I've come up with so far.

• Be simple. Have patience. You don't need to change your entire self in one year, so just pick one or two small things. A couple of years ago my goal was simply to lock my car all the time. That was it. No daily plan of how I was going to exercise, clean the entire house, and be the most awesome person ever. 2012 was just about locking car doors. It's a slow, year-by-year journey to perfection. You don't need to do it all at once.
• Start a week late. I found the biggest enemy to keeping my resolutions was the fact that I wasn't quite settled into work and my normal life after being on vacation. So, I always consider the first week of the year as a test run. I expect failure in this first week, but it doesn't get me down because I know I'm still in vacation mode and trying to get used to doing the norm. 
• Ask for support. Some goals need others' help. A couple of years ago I decided that I wanted to cut down on my use of the words "I'm sorry." I was (and am) one of those people that said it all of the time. I wanted to cut back on using it so that I was more sincere when it should be used. Fortunately, I had a few close and frank friends that I could enlist to call me out on it. Was it super annoying? Yes. Do I say "I'm sorry" less often? Yes. 
• Go easy on yourself. You're going to mess up, but that's ok. You're just a human trying to push against the Second Law of Thermodynamics. That's tough business, so cut yourself some slack. The goal is to be a better you when you arrive in the next year in some incremental way. Instead of throwing away the beautiful goal or goals you created, hold fast to them and keep going. I've found that if you do, you forget those times that you didn't quite succeed and you feel like you kept to your goal 100% when you ring in the next year. 

Happy New Year, Steph! I hope you're drinking in the idea of a better, more educated, more orderly you.

Cheers,

Amanda