Yay for Friday! Okay, so I love reading Fantasy...even though the covers are seriously walking the line between 80's tacky and misogyny. But, that's not the author's fault. And it looks like the SF/Fantasy publishing world is finally updating their aesthetics. (Seriously, check out the Jim Hines cover gallery in the link, because it is hilarious).
I know SF/Fantasy isn't for everyone, but really, it's awesome. And there's really no good reason for people to get all "ha, ha, that's cute." The world can thank speculative fiction for the best illustrations of what it means to be human. I mean, Moby Dick is okay. But who didn't cry after reading "Flowers for Algernon" or seriously question the role of bread and circuses in government after Brave New World. 1984 and Farenheit 451 are so influential that they are brought up every time legislation is proposed that would limit personal freedoms. And Samwise Gamgee will forever be the paragon of friendship for entire generations of readers.
Okay, that being said. Wow, are there some turkeys in the SF/Fantasy section of the bookstore.
I thought I'd post some of my favorite negative reviews from Amazon just to share the humor of authors taking themselves way too seriously.
Example 1. The Fifth Sorceress by Robert Newcomb
I kid you not, the premise of this book is that if women receive extraordinary power they will inevitably become pure evil. But that's not all:
Reviewer Brian Libby writes:
This book is an exciting account of a death-struggle between two mortal foes. Only one can triumph. These deadly adversaries are the author and the English language.English loses. [...] "Go around it,' Shannon said quickly." "You'll soon find out,' he said sternly." "Gnomes,' he said simply." These examples are all from pp. 318 and 319, and there are two more in the same place. The first quote in the book is "Bring them up,' Wigg said simply."HOWLERS? Oh, yes. "Swinging one leg over the pommel of his saddle, he slipped quickly to the ground." (still p. 318) I'm sure he did, if he tried to dismount by swinging his leg over his horse's head. Nice image, though.
"Don't get any ideas about stealing our horses.' He narrowed his eyes and smiled ruefully." (318 yet again!) I wonder what the author thinks 'ruefully' means?REPETITION? Let's see...
(260) "reached out at the last possible instant"
(262) "help me wait until the last instant"
(262, 6 lines lower) "At the last possible second, Tristan..."
No editor could have been assigned to the book.
Not4prophet adds:
Some fantasy authors such as Robert Jordan have stumbled upon the problem that later volumes of their series' grow slow and repetitious. Newcomb neatly circumvents this obstacle by making his opus labored and tedious right from the start.
These are only the highlights, there are more chuckles to be had at the expense of Mr. Newcomb here.
Example 2. Eragon by Christopher Paolini
Imagine Star Wars in your mind. Try to think of the personalities of the main characters, and every major plot event. Now replace lightsabers with dragons you can ride and you've got Eragon.
Starts of with mysterious, last ditch message for help from a captured princess? Check. Old, tight-lipped man on the outskirts of town turns out to be main character's new mentor and former expert at The Thing? Check. Adoptive parents and biological aunt and uncle are killed by having their house razed? Check. Still not making anything up, and that's just the exposition.
Reviewer Jonathan Appleseed writes:
We've heard that all art is imitation (and that therefore to imitate and even copy is OK); and that imitation is the highest form of flattery. In some aspects of art, literature, and life this holds true, but not here. There is too much imitation, and not enough originality. We have (from what I'm familiar of, anyway):
* The Thirteen Forsworn (Jordan's Forsaken)
* Elves on silver ships from across the sea (Tolkien)
* Urgals and Kulls (Orcs and Uruk-Hai from Tolkien with bits of Trollocs blended in from Jordan)
* Dwarves who are absolute reproductions of those from Tolkien, from their mountain city to their use of axes, and even the description of "hewing" heads off Urgals (er, Orcs)
* A Shade (Jordan's Fade, although with an intriguing difference - and it's not the color of the hair)
* Somebody says "Hellfire!" This is an uncommon oath in the "real" world, but not an uncommon oath to Thomas Covenant. There were a couple of other Covenant similarities, but I didn't make note of them.
There are more, but this isn't intended to be exhaustive.
And regrettably, Crossroads of Twilight by Robert Jordan.
First let me say that Robert Jordan is a world-building genius, and you really ought to read the Wheel of Time series if you like Fantasy at all. I still finished this book over the course of four days (and it's nearly 600 pages long). But, it does lack a certain... momentum. It's also the tenth book in the series so, there's that.
Tom E. writes:
Have you ever wondered how many stripes should be on the dublet of an important dignatary from Illian? How many shawl twitches are appropriate when Aes Sedai [a sort of witch/dignitary] negotiate momentous agreements? What kind of stool the general of an Aes Sedai army sits on, and how stable said stool might be? Well buckle up for a wild ride, amigo, because you're going to learn all that (and more!) by the time you've tediously slogged to the conclusion of this book.
[...] I like nothing more than to scratch my head in befuddlement as yet another [character] is reintroduced into the plot whom I can no longer recall. It gives me an excuse to page to the back of the book and open up the 'Robert Jordan Appendix of Useless and Irrelevent Characters' which is always such a joy. I've created my own drinking game based on this,
For anyone who wants to play along the rules are simple:
1.) Is the character you're looking up totally irrelevent? Take a drink.2.) Do you have reason to suspect said character will remain totally irrelevent? Take a drink.3.) Does the character twitch her shawl? Take two drinks.4.) Is she looking "cross-eyed" at someone? Take a drink.5.) Do you know the exact design of the embroidery on the fringe of her shawl? Of course you do - take a drink. For your own sanity, consider taking another
Speculative Fiction: n. the literary equivalent of gambling. Possible outcomes include transcendent beauty, utter boredom, or wincing so severe and prolong that it becomes a permanent tick.
Have a great weekend and read a good book,
Stephanie
What are your favorite SF/Fantasy stories?
Read any mind-blowingly bad books lately you would like to warn someone else about?
No comments:
Post a Comment