Confessions of an Unemployed Postgrad

Hey Steph,

I've been kind of freaking out about the prospects of working full-time. I've never really valued productivity or, dare I say it, hard work. I'm about connecting with people more than I am about getting stuff done, so I work best when I see some value of connection in what I do--like say writing magazine articles about people. Alas, most jobs don't really entail this connection.

As I've had some time on my hands being unemployed and all, I've thought a lot about working; I've read a lot about working; and I've listened a lot about working via podcasts and lectures. And finally, an argument for hard work formed in my head (in actuality, I believe this argument for hard work to be more inspired than developed rationally).

But before I continue, a related thought from one of my recent readings. I've been reading Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl, a survivor of Auschwitz Concentration Camp. In his memoir/psychological theory, he discusses at length the necessity for individuals to have a meaning in their life to be able to survive--a theory he tested and experienced in his own life in the extreme setting of the Holocaust. He quotes Nietzsche several times throughout the book: "Those who have a 'why' to live can bear with almost any 'how.'" I think this is a true quote, and it relates to my worries about work. Now back to finding an argument for hard work.

Source

For the first few weeks of my unemployment, I didn't have a time that I needed to wake up, and I didn't have anything on my schedule that needed to get done. So, nothing really got done. I applied for jobs, but that was about it. In this driftless place, I had this thought during my scripture study: You are not living; you are existing. You are not managing time; time is managing you. You are not acting; you are being acted upon. If you truly value your agency, you will choose to use your time and manage it well. 

For the last several years, agency has been one of my favorite topics and elements of my worldview. I see agency as a great gift from God. However, for whatever reason, I never really felt like managing time was an important or even godly attribute. But, after these thoughts, for the first time in my life, being productive had nothing to do with getting things done but had to do with being in control of myself and my life. By not choosing to thoughtfully use the time allotted me each day, I was giving up my freedom of choice. Time washed over me without me making any efforts. I enslaved myself to time by not making any choices of using it.

All of this was driven home to me as I pondered it in the context of Nietzsche's quote. I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to get better at managing my time; it's definitely going to be a process. But I now have a why--outside of societal pressures to work hard--that will motivate me to make the change.

Cheers,

Amanda