How to Be Insecure

Hey Steph,


I figure I have enough historical experience of being insecure that I could be an expert, so I'd like to share some tips on being insecure.

1) Walk and stand slouched over. It's important to develop your insecurity by making sure everyone else believes you aren't worth the time of day either. After mastering this tool, you will look about ten to fifteen pounds heavier than you are; this along with your insecurity is really attractive to men.

Drew Herron

2) Tell yourself again and again and again that you are meaningless. Your brain is a fascinating organ that can do a ton of things, but I've found it is best to use any spare moment your brain has available to tell yourself something really mean. If you master this tool, you won't even have to work at doing this. Your thoughts will naturally tell you all the things you are terrible at, and they will naturally spiral into meaner and meaner things. It's important that you believe them all. For the sake of your insecurity, they are all true. Don't you dare doubt them. Also, makes sure you are exacting; don't forget to notice those itty-bitty imperfections.

Helga Weber

3) Compare your weaknesses to others' strengths. This one is very useful. Whenever you're feeling confident, start comparing yourself to others, but make sure you focus on your weaknesses. It makes sense to compare your flat, fine hair to someone else's voluminous mane as does it make sense to compare your shy approach to someone else's gift of gab.
Expert tip: Grab a women's magazine. There are tons of "real" women in there to set as your ideal.

4) Use people's opinions and actions as proof of your value. This is where your basis for judging your value should come from. Don't get asked out on dates? There's proof that you are hideous to behold and unattractive. This is strong data that you can use at any moment to be insecure. Use it. No one ever asks you to do anything? It's true. You're obnoxious, and people can't stand to be around you. Any time you can use other people's opinions and actions as a means to reflect on you and how you should perceive yourself, do it--but only if it is opinions and actions that remind you how little you matter.

5) Focus on yourself at all times. This one is vital to your insecurity. Insecurity thrives by being the focus of everything you do. It's crazy how fast you'll feel valuable as you try to help other people and consider other people's needs. Don't risk being exposed to this source of confidence. Keep your thoughts inward. If you're having trouble finding ways to avoid noticing others, start at tip #1.

May you find greater insecurity in your future,

Amanda