Punch Consumerism in the Kidneys

Consumerism is a cancer and the cure is more gratitude. 

This is easy for me to say. I'm quitting my job, and my husband is changing his-- it's easy to say we need to reign in the spending, because we don't really have another option. But as we prepare to move into cheaper housing and I've been giving away bags of unused things, I am so grateful for just how much I have. I mean there are mothers that cannot afford baby clothes, and I had boxes of clothes locked in my basement that no one was using. 

The strange thing is, that as I fill my car for the second time for the Salvation Army, I'm realizing that I'm not just more grateful for all the things I have. By giving away a tiny percentage of my excess, my life is just better. When you only own two pans, there's only ever two pans to wash. If there's only 10 toys in the living room, there's only ever 10 toys to put away. 

Suddenly I'm looking at my six loads of undone laundry thinking, "what if I only ever had three loads of laundry to do." 

Advertisers are geniuses. They are really good at their jobs, and their job is to convince you of a need you didn't know you had. An advertiser would look at my laundry pile and sell me a super efficient washing machine that can fit more clothes in the drum. But I could own less towels and clothes for free. I would have less loads of laundry to do; I would have less laundry to fold. Less messy piles. Less mental clutter. I would be free of the subtle guilt cringe I get every time I look at the laundry basket. And that is literally priceless.

This Christmas you will be sold gadgets and products that will reduce your stress and give you all your dreams. I recently saw an ad that by insinuation suggested that a voice-command computer would make you and your kids hang out together more, would make cooking at home easier, would help you connect more with your spouse---advertisers do not sell products, they sell an awesome life with that product in it.

Seriously. Play advertiser bingo this Christmas--family satisfaction, serenity, romance, laughter, adventure. Who knew kleenex boxes made your children feel so secure in your love. But seriously all of those emotions can be yours.....for free. Without buying a thing. That Echo commercial probably advertises features your smartphone already has, and you don't even use them. "Okay Google/Siri, set timer for 15 minutes" ---my phone does that but I still don't make homemade chocolate chip cookies. One, that saves me literally twenty seconds of effort over setting a timer by hand. Two, it's not for lack of a robot timer that I don't bake. I even have a robot dish cleaner, and I still don't bake. 

But it's not the cookies that make families tighter. It's spending more time reading library books, exploring trails at the park, packing a brown bag lunch to eat together down by the duck pond. Free memories are what make families, are what make lives. 

Buying stuff has never solved your problems. Or do you think that all the people leaving the Container Store with bags of merchandise will have a tidy closet six months from now. 

Be grateful for the stuff you have. Get rid of the stuff your not grateful for. Be skeptical of advertising. Do the things that make you happy, and acknowledge that "a lack of stuff" is never what keeps you from doing it. Too much stuff might actually be keeping you from it. So sorry consumerism you're not helping, you're hurting and I don't have room for you in my life anymore. 

Happy Thanksgiving-Independence Day

Stephanie

How to Be Insecure

Hey Steph,


I figure I have enough historical experience of being insecure that I could be an expert, so I'd like to share some tips on being insecure.

1) Walk and stand slouched over. It's important to develop your insecurity by making sure everyone else believes you aren't worth the time of day either. After mastering this tool, you will look about ten to fifteen pounds heavier than you are; this along with your insecurity is really attractive to men.

Drew Herron

2) Tell yourself again and again and again that you are meaningless. Your brain is a fascinating organ that can do a ton of things, but I've found it is best to use any spare moment your brain has available to tell yourself something really mean. If you master this tool, you won't even have to work at doing this. Your thoughts will naturally tell you all the things you are terrible at, and they will naturally spiral into meaner and meaner things. It's important that you believe them all. For the sake of your insecurity, they are all true. Don't you dare doubt them. Also, makes sure you are exacting; don't forget to notice those itty-bitty imperfections.

Helga Weber

3) Compare your weaknesses to others' strengths. This one is very useful. Whenever you're feeling confident, start comparing yourself to others, but make sure you focus on your weaknesses. It makes sense to compare your flat, fine hair to someone else's voluminous mane as does it make sense to compare your shy approach to someone else's gift of gab.
Expert tip: Grab a women's magazine. There are tons of "real" women in there to set as your ideal.

4) Use people's opinions and actions as proof of your value. This is where your basis for judging your value should come from. Don't get asked out on dates? There's proof that you are hideous to behold and unattractive. This is strong data that you can use at any moment to be insecure. Use it. No one ever asks you to do anything? It's true. You're obnoxious, and people can't stand to be around you. Any time you can use other people's opinions and actions as a means to reflect on you and how you should perceive yourself, do it--but only if it is opinions and actions that remind you how little you matter.

5) Focus on yourself at all times. This one is vital to your insecurity. Insecurity thrives by being the focus of everything you do. It's crazy how fast you'll feel valuable as you try to help other people and consider other people's needs. Don't risk being exposed to this source of confidence. Keep your thoughts inward. If you're having trouble finding ways to avoid noticing others, start at tip #1.

May you find greater insecurity in your future,

Amanda

Considering Henna?

 I think I have wanted red hair since I was 5. I figured twenty years was a long enough time to consider it. After looking around, I used henna to go ginger, and I don't regret it one little bit. However, there are a few things to consider first.

Pro #1: When the sun hits your hair, you look like a radiant fox goddess

I get comments about my hair all the time. And it's not because I do anything with it that I didn't before. Henna makes my hair shiny, thick, and it glows vaguely in bright light. I'm not even kidding.

Pro #2: Henna Gives you True Ginger Hair

Because Henna stains the keratin outside of the hair shaft, it keeps all the variations in color that occur naturally on your head. So unlike a typical box dye, you keep all the light and dark interplay that makes your hair look multi-dimensional and natural. (Which also means, if you have dark hair you're never getting to copper with henna alone).

I also feel the color pay-off of Henna is a lot closer to natural ginger hair than I could find in salon-dyes which tend to be on the bluer burgundy-Rihanna spectrum. (At least in the first applications. Henna does build up on itself which I'll get to later).   I can't tell you how many times people have told me "I wish I was born with red hair"--even ladies with dyed red hair. And people are always assuming my friend's ginger daughter is mine. I love that I can pass off as natural redhead with henna.

Pro #3/ Con #1: Doesn't fade

I have no idea how to take pictures of myself

Having had salon red highlights, I know that on my head the shelf-life of box red is about two weeks.
Three weeks if I can go longer between washes before the red loses it's luster.

If you prepare your Henna with an acidic liquid--it is super bright for the first three days post application, and then "oxidizes" out to a nice, rich auburn that then does not fade come high-water or frequent washes. But... you will also never be rid of it.

Since I like the nice glossy, thick feeling henna gives my hair, I had been doing mostly full-head applications instead of just the roots, but after four full-head applications I knew I had overdone it and the color was getting a bit too wine-y for my tastes. So I did a bleach-shampoo (WARNING*) which knocked out the offending purple tones. But, really made no impact on the depth of color, just it's shade. My roots where California blonde, but the henna was essentially untouched by the bleach. (Unfortuantely I don't have pictures of this event, because I wasn't even thinking about writing about it. Sorry)

So I know that going back to my natural hair color is going to be an awkward root-stripe adventure. But I guess it gives me an excuse to cut my hair into that pixie-cut. Which is another thing I've wanted to do to my hair for the last decade, but lacked adequate courage.

Because who wouldn't want hair
 like WhippyCakes

Pro#4/ Con #2: I Get To Take Relaxing Soaks in the Bath

The process of putting Henna on your hair is pretty messy. You are after all spreading a pound of high-dye-content mud all through your hair. But sitting around with saran wrap on your head while you watch a movie isn't so bad. Washing it out though takes a little work, and is best done "mermaid" style. Which means I've taken 6 baths in five months, which is 6 more baths than I have taken in the previous 15 years.

I feel so awkward.

But I only actually sit inside the second tub-full of water. Because the first tub-full looks like flood water within twenty seconds,opaque with silt and dye. Then I drain that and fill a new tub. The water is still not colorless, but at least it's clear orange, rather than straight up mud. No, it doesn't stain my skin. And it does make my feet soft but I don't know that that's due to the henna...since seriously, I have never taken a regular bath, that I remember anyways.

No matter how long you rinse your hair that first day the water will never run completely clear and you'll probably stain your towel. Just accept that.

Con #3: Makes your Roots look Grey

By nature I have perfectly lovely light ashy brown hair. But  my natural color looks pretty lifeless next to the glowiness of the henna. I can still get away with 6 weeks of growth before I touch-up though.

Roots look bad regardless of what hair color you use.  However, paired with Con #1, I'm not looking forward to the growing out process. Which, honestly, I'll probably start when I finish my stash of henna powder in my freezer. Not because I don't love the red, but I don't want to feel trapped dyeing my hair.

First I did ombre, then I did henna hoping to get ombre red. But that didn't pan out.
 I don't know what's up with the weird camera angles. My apologies

Some tips if you decide to make the henna plunge:

*WARNING: Never put bleach on hair that has been dyed with anything that you aren't totally sure was 100% henna. Indigo turns green with bleach. And often "henna hair dyes" sold at hippie grocery stores and the like are blended with metallic salts that will *burn* your hair if you mix them with bleach.

• I dyed my hair with Body Art Quality (BAQ) Henna. I got mine at Mehandi.com  and used the "Rajasthani Monsoon" vintage of 100% ground henna. Mixed only with hot water and crushed vitamin C. 
• 200 g of henna gets me a more than adequate full-head coverage on my super straight, medium thick, lower-back length hair 
• Put henna in using the "turban method" it is definitely the easiest way to get even coverage. But skip the color brush and just use your gloved hands
• Put lotion on your hands (under the *gloves*), knees, elbows, and feet before you start since the skin there absorbs the dye faster than everywhere else. That way you don't have to worry about cleaning up the inevitable splatter until you're all finished putting the henna in your hair. 
• I put some vaseline all around my ears too, just because they're really difficult to clean off with the saran wrap helmet if you don't slick up the skin first.  
• Everyone says "yogurt" consistency for your finished henna, but having used everything between "greek" "yoplait" and "kefir"  in my hair with mixed results. I think it's much clearer to say like a  "pureed soup, with a little flour to thicken it" type consistency. If that meant nothing to you, just go with yogurt. 
• Lemon-juice makes my hair static-y and angry. And vinegar smells like an abomination of pickled grass clippings. I mix my henna with hot water and 3 crushed up vitamin C pills per 100g and I've had no problem with fading.  
• I let the dye release for 6-ish hours before I put the henna in. And I leave the henna in my hair for only 2-3 hours, because like I said I don't like the ruby-color, and frankly, the henna is way too heavy to keep it piled on my head for longer than that .

Bottom-line: It's just hair. Do it. Live the dream. 

How To Believe in Jesus Part 1

How to Believe in Jesus. Step one, don't hate Jesus. 

I get that there's this sort of feedback-loop logic that says people that hate in the name of Jesus justify hating Jesus. Okay, whatever. But as a plea for greater civility, perhaps we ought to consider that most people are obnoxious regardless of nationality, education, religious affiliation or lack thereof. 

Aslan
 because he's literally the fictional Jesus

I mean there are a lot of annoying people in this world, and just statistically, 2 out of 7 of them are Christian, one was born in China, and almost all of them have brown eyes. Get what I'm getting at. 

I understand that it's possible that  Jesus is a mental construct. And you can't prove that the entire concept of religion isn't anything more than a millenias old coping mechanism we pass down to our children from one generation to another for the simple reason that that's what our parents did.

But on a personal level if in the moment of death, it is somehow made eminently clear to me that God does not exist, I would have no regrets that I lived my entire life as a Christian. 

Really.

Because even if God is a coping mechanism, what's the harm? What's the harm in having an extra nudge to stop and help jump that ratchet-looking car in the Target parking lot? Or having an obligation to get out of your yoga pants and serve once a week, even if it's with a baby on your hip? 

Where's the downside in a built-in justification to hold a potluck with people far outside your socioeconomic or generational circles? Or to feeling like you still fulfill a meaningful purpose even if illness or disease means the only service you're capable of, is sharing some of your thoughts on Jesus?

If there's even one more, tiny mental hurdle to cross before you cuss someone out or flirt with a married man or give up hope--isn't that a good thing? 

Right, in the name of this coping mechanism, yada-yada  crusades, reconquista, etc. etc. But no, not really. Religion has been used as propaganda since the beginning of human history, but that doesn't make it a motive. I mean, it's a little generous to the Medieval monarchs to say that Jesus was more important to them than the Silk Road. Keeping the faith and a mistress are pretty much always mutually exclusive, and keeping the latter wasn't all that rare. You can come to your own conclusions about the real role of religion in these conflicts, but I don't think the evidence is very convincing. 

Yes, you can be a judgey, back-stabing Christian, but I'd argue that the same people would probably make judgey, back-stabing Athiests.  I mean, isn't that the like the major Athiest credo: religion does not have a monopoly on morality. Thus religion cannot possibly corner the market on immorality. 

You can be a self-centered jerk with or without Jesus. At least with Jesus, I feel a little more guilty about it. Not a good enough reason to join a church, but to me, it's plenty good enough to stay there. And a good  place to start in the journey of becoming religious.  

I believe that there was a man who lived a good life. Who lived with unimpeachable integrity, and was kind or just to the perfect degree in every circumstance. And I believe that he can help me live a life like that. 

I haven't always felt like he was up to the task, but wishing that were true has never done me anything but good.

Step one in believing in Jesus is "well, it would be great if it were true." 

 

Wouldn't it?

-Stephanie